He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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