I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize