grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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