I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize