He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
