Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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