My sheets look like a crime scene.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
