I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
