Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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