I met the friendliest cop last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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