...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
