Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
