Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
