Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
