Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's blow job season.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
