piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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