White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
