Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
