Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
