I'm drive I can fine osifer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
