Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize