Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
