This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
