I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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