Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
