Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize