oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Semen is not good for contacts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
