you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
