Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
