you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
