I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
