You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
