I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
