New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
