shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
