If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
