So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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