Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
