Me too!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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