Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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