I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
