I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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