I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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