Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
