your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
