walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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