Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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