It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
