i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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