This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
