Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize