Screwed.edu
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
