i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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