My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
