Your tits are I can't wait for
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
