Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
