You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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