I just cut my nipple shaving
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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