I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
