Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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