My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
