My Higher Power is John Stamos
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
