Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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