I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
