I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
