We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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