Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
