Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
