The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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