Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
