the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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