i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
