your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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