A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
