i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
