My sheets look like a crime scene.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
