I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize