so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
