Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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