just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
