I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
