I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
