He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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