So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
