Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
