I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
