I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
