i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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