Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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