Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
