Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i love accidental penises.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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