Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
